NGAWire®

Going Thanksgiving Low At Maple Lane

NGAWire® 28Nov08

Today I received a phone call from Kurt Goetzke. He and Steve Lawler had just finished playing golf at Maple Lane.

"One guy shot 75 and the other shot 67" stated Goetzke.

"Did he really?" I asked.

I heard Lawler laughing in the background.

The boys were off to celebrate with a couple of beers.

Nice round Kurt!

ADDED 29Nov08 7:42am – Blind squirrel nut thing...nice taking Steve's money... although, I believe he is still slightly up on me for his career... got some work to do... it's a start...

ADDED 29Nov08 9:39am – Thanks Coree... Just one of those days... 24 putts... 10 greens... It was only like 5,800 yards and we rolled it... BUT... you still have to get the stupid little white ball in the hole... it sure helped holing my 2nd shot on the 7th hole... really got things going... then I birdied 2 of the last 3... just couldn't do any wrong... probably never happen again, but it's still my lowest score in relation to par (4 under) and total score (67) ever... I had an 8 footer for par on the last hole to do it... really didn't want to end on a bogey and I somehow coaxed it in... Garbage Time Goetzke strikes again...

ADDED 29Nov08 11:09am – And I’ll just call it “Garbage Time”… like when Kurnczie says “provisional” before ever tee ball and stripes ’em down the middle…

ADDED 29Nov08 12:21pm – I am back if it's December or January and it's "fun" golf...

ADDED 1Dec08 9:22am – I can add this: Steve's arm was not in tip top shape... especially when he hit the driver... the pain at impact had him trying to tweak the swing all day long... but generally, he couldn't get it worked out and a bunch of unLawler-like drives (to the right)... he got rolled, but he was handicapped to an extent... I am proud to say that, at least this one time though, it may not have mattered if he was 100%...

Late Night Volleyball

NGAWire® 24Nov08

Late last night I stumbled onto a NCAA women’s volleyball game while flipping through the channels. The Cal Golden Bears were playing USC. As much as I would have like to stop watching and go back to sleep, I could not. I was transfixed watching Kat Reilly and Morgan Beck beat the stuffing out of Trojans.

Season Over, Creamer Beats Rawson To Pulp

NGAWire® 24Nov08

The 2008 LPGA season has come to a close. How did the NGA’s two leading ladies, Paula Creamer and Anna Rawson, fare this season?

In the end, it really wasn’t a fair battle. Creamer, a veteran in her fourth year on tour, dominated the rookie Rawson in every statistical category.

Player	Paula Creamer	Anna Rawson
Money	$1,823,992 (2)	$62,798 (127)
Tournaments	26	13
Cuts Made	26	5
Top 10 Finishes	15 of 26: 0.577 (2)	1 of 13: 0.077 (60T)
Best Finish	1 (4 Wins)	10 (0 Wins)
Rounds	99	35
Rounds under Par	66 of 99: 0.667 (2T)	14 of 35: 0.400 (50T)
Rounds in 60s	36 of 99: 0.364 (3)	7 of 35: 0.200 (44T)
Greens	1116 of 1584: 0.705 (2)	342 of 504: 0.679 (13)
Fairways	895 of 1216: 0.736 (21T)	245 of 386: 0.635 (124)
Birdies	364 (3)	93 (146T)
Eagles	3 (56T)	2 (75T)
Scoring	70.56 (3)	73.54 (121)
Putting	28.38 (33T)	30.79 (149T)
GIR Putting Average	1.77 (3)	1.84 (104T)
Sand Saves	24 of 51 (22)	7 of 24 (135T)
Driving Distance	246.3 (79T)	249.9 (56)
Low 9 hole score	27	31
Low 18 hole score	60	66
Low 36 hole score	125	140
Low 54 hole score	195	214
Low 72 hole score	268	280

Creamer finished the year with 4 wins and a second place finish on the money list. Rawson missed more than half of her cuts and is headed back to LPGA Q-school. Yippee!

Just Another Kurncz Day

NGAWire® 21Nov08

HGA.5 Guest Writer Kurt Goetzke

The other night, Kurncz and I were holding one of our long conversations about nothing… I was at my new house and he was just getting to his. He was yakking about the “stomage” and such, when all of a sudden, he let out an exclamation of surprise and maybe even a little terror… concerned for his well being, I asked what the Hell was going on… he said that something was flying around in crazy circles in his living room… it appeared to be a BAT… a very large and mean BAT… while talking to me (Andy is a great multi-tasker), he grabbed the nearest weapon (a dust pan or some sort) and began to flail… eventually, I heard, “OHHHHHHH!!! I think I got him!!!” Suddenly, though, the stunned, and now PISSED off beast, disappeared into the kitchen and could not be seen… Kurnczie began to search for him, but to no avail… Finally, he said there was one more place he could look… as he climbed up on the ladder to look on top of the cabinets, he cautiously said to me, “stay on the line with me buddy, and don’t be surprised if I scream like a little girl”… after a moment passed, then, “I FOUND HIM”!!! It was an unbelievable sight. No justice can serve the description (a rat crossed with a cat with wings)… the proof is in the picture.

Aftermath: Andy had to decide what to do… He carefully determined the little trickster was playing possum (“I am not sure if he still breathing”)… Does he put the thing out of its misery, or does he do the humanitarian thing? Of course, Andy did what all red-blooded American Men would do… he called his Father-in-Law for guidance… somehow, he got the BAT under a paint can, transported it outside and released it into the night… what a guy… I think he was having flashbacks of Carmel the Cat and wanted to redeem himself… although I don’t believe the wife and kids would have been sad if that Bat never saw another Belfry…

Day In His Life

NGAWire® 20Nov08

Today for lunch Andy decided to enjoy the roach coach know as El Toro Tacos while working in Detroit. He normally plays it safe by ordering Asada tacos (yes, he has eaten from here before), but has always wondered about the delicacies known as Cabeza, Lengua and Buche. Andy no longer has to wonder about two of them.

First he tried the Beef Head. “Cabeza tastes just a good as regular steak” stated Andy. “I could eat that again and again!”

Next came the enticing Pig ‘Stomage’. “Buche is not very good. I chewed and chewed, but could never bite through the rubbery meat.”

Andy had one more taste of his Buche, but could not stomach any more stomage. “I am sure with the right amount of sauce/salsa I could have finished the stomage” stated Andy.

Bailout For One, Bailout For All

NGAWire® 17Nov08

Following suit of the hordes of shamefaced companies requesting governmental bailout assistance, the NGA is heading to Washington DC to request a portion of the bailout pot from Congress.

Though the NGA’s funding request is not based on mismanagement of anything (unlike banks, mortgage companies and the US automakers), a minimal interest (maximum of 0.5%) governmental loan of $750,000 will be petitioned.

This money will be used to help lower tournament entry fees, assist in purchasing beer and snacks, allow for larger skins, pins and prize money payouts and provide decent contestant clothing and gear. It will also be used to pay for “one honey of a TPC” when the NGA heads to Scotland and Ireland in 2011 and eliminate the NGA’s mortgage payment for their office in Simpsonville, SC.

Good luck NGA!

Miller’s Burger

NGAWire® 13Nov08

Kurt Goetzke (KG): Anyone got a hankerin' for a MILLER'S BURGER??

Jeff Longeway (JL): I haven't been there in awhile. Got to love the thick cut onion! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

KG: They (Detroit Free Press) just came out with the Best Burgers in Metro Detroit list...Now I am craving MILLER'S!!!

JL: Its only 10 minutes from me.

Dan McKay (DM): Good call Lennie. Pick some up and then head northeast. Kurt and I will be waiting.

KG: That would be AWESOME!!!

JL: Sorry Kurt, I went to Bailey's for a steak and cheese. Maybe next week?

Matt Maser (MM): That's a thing of beauty! I officially added to my list of MUST DO when we return next July.

2009 CJI Planned For Early March

NGAWire® 31Oct08

For those interested, below is information regarding the 2009 CJI in Myrtle Beach:

Dates – 35/09 (Thur)* to 3/8/09 (Sun)

Accommodations – 3 nights at the Dayton House (west building)

Golf – Wild Wing Avocet** (Fri), Witch (Sat), Prestwick*** (Sun)

* Thursday 3/5/09 is a travel day. Golf will be played only by the early arriving players and is not included in the total cost.

** We received free 9-hole coupons from the manager at Wild Wing Avocet last year. If we choose to play extra golf, we may the new nine.

*** We received rain checks for golf from Prestwick last year.

Total cost for room and golf is $262.50 ($218.50 plus $44 in surcharges). I would like to finalize everything with Dayton House by the end of the year.

If you are interested in attending the 2009 CJI, please contact the NGA.

Tuesday with Clifton

NGAWire® 7Oct08

NGA Staff Writer, Ronald Harrison Clifton, Jr.

I awoke today after a long night of MNF up ‘til midnight. I feel fortunate to have weathered the Reggie Bush onslaught by Lawler. Thanks to FF Churncz for not counting punt return yards. And a bigger thanks to Reggie Bush for tripping on his own foot for his potential 3rd punt return td it saved my victory.

As I am driving to the golf course I am still considering trading Dallas Clark to PJP for MJD, as well as possibly Plax Burress for S. Slaton.

This chilly October morning I arrived at Eastern Hills at 9 am 49* in my car. I arrived and beat the seniors to #1 tee. Piped my new Callaway Driver, never hit it before today, long and straight into the cool morning air. Just like in a USGA commercial a single walks up and I ask him to play. I meet Andreas a member of Lake Doster my previous home course and we are off #1 tee.

I learned Lake Doster is in excellent condition this year!

I played solid all the way around the front 4 fw, 3 gr, 14 putts nice little 40. Some nice par saving putts, a few key birdie putts just missed. I am putting as good as say Matt Maser or Dan McKay.

We make the turn and Andreas decides to push on with me any pays for his 2nd 9. He is an Ohio State grad likely a more frequent golfer than I and also a touch lower handicap. He is easy to play with like Chris Lemmon and Coree Raden.

I proceed to play the back 9 much like the front keeping it in play 5 fw, 5 gr, 16 putts. Again a few key par putts made, a few birdie putts just missed. I step up to 17 realizing I am +2 on the back! So 40 on front + 4 and +2 is +6 with 2 holes left. Predictably I make double on 17 not really a bad double just drive in rough approach short, pitch short, chip long (tried to hole it) 2 putt. Nearly made a nice bogey saving putt. I am grinding like crazy!

18 is playing downwind I pipe a long high majestic fade to the 270 mark (par 5) smoke a high cutting 3 wood to 40 yds just short. I haven't played this shot well today all I am thinking is I am putting well get it on the green. I hit a pw a little heavy leave 30+ feet up hill birdie putt for the elusive 79. I read it, step up, it is up hill just misses one ball outside left, good effort, tap in par for 80.

Having never broken 80 I was much more calm and relaxed took it one shot at a time. I just needed one more putt to fall somewhere played good enough for 79. After the poor play I exhibited at TPC this is a very satisfying day for me. Having switched driver and irons since TPC in traditional Clifton fashion post TPC.

Clifton ADDITIONAL NOTE – I was wearing my green Oberon hat and yellow TPC champion bracelet for luck today.

Obama Declared A Bobo

NGAWire® 26Sep08

The NGA has declared Barack Obama a huge bobo. Also included in the bobo race are Joe Biden and John McCain. God save the USA.

Nagy Wins 2008 TPC*

NGAWire® 22Sep08

Karl Nagy cruised to his second TPC* victory this past weekend. Nagy’s total of 304 (+16) bested 2^nd place contestant Jeff Pretzer by 13 shots.

“I played very well the first two rounds” stated Nagy. “However, the final outcome was as much of a surprise to me as everyone else.”

This victory moves Nagy into a tie with Coree Raden atop the TPC Hall of Fame standings.

player	2006	2007	2008
Coree Raden	35	35	35
Karl Nagy	21	25	35
Steve Lawler	24	26	28
Kurt Goetzke	13	23	26
Ron Clifton	22	25	25
Louis Song	21	21	21
Andy Kurncz	16	16	17
Jeff Longeway	13	13	13
Matt Maser	11	11	11
Dean Kobane	10	10	10
Doug Granowicz	10	10	10
Bruce Kruckeberg	9	9	9
Todd Statetzny	9	9	9
Eric Fournier	8	8	8
Jeff Pretzer	4	4	8
Dan York	5	5	5
Dan McKay	3	4	4
Jim Elgin	4	4	4
Derek Andre	3	3	3
Mark D'Antonio	3	3	3
Chip VanLooy	2	2	2
Chris Lemmon	1	1	1

40 points required for Hall of Fame induction.

TPC Favorite Announced

NGAWire® 11Sep08

The NGA has announced that Karl Nagy has been named favorite to win the 2008 TPC. Good luck Karl!

2008 TPC Course Selection Finally Finalized

NGAWire® 26Aug08

The rota of courses for the 2008 TPC has been finalized with the jacks at Garland. The courses and times are:

Thursday Rd1 12:00pm Reflections

Friday Rd2 8:00am Fountains

Friday FUN 1:40pm Monarch**

Saturday Rd3 12:20pm Monarch

Sunday Rd4 9:40am Swampfire

Tee boxes for each round are under review by the KGAM.

** The fun round Friday afternoon will be a two A-B player event. The format will be 3-3-3-3-3-3 where the game played changes every three hole. Possible games include scramble, best ball, total score, worst ball scramble, alternate shot, modified alternate shot, three-club challenge, two-club challenge, one-club challenge, etc… This fun round will precede Friday evenings “Taking It To Blackout” activities.

The finalized fun round games are under review by the KGAM.

Teams for the fun round will be paired via blind draw. The A and B players groups are:

A – The Law, Goat, Jimmy Boy, The Greatest TPC’er Ever, PJP, NGA

B – Great McKay, The Cruiser, Heidi Klumberg, Y2K, Lennie, PJP Junior

It was a very tough decision for the NGA and KGAM to determine the bottom crap of the A player group. PJP, NGA and Great McKay are all considered awful A players, but Great’s lack of resent play pushed him into B player status.

Day In His Life

NGAWire® 21Aug08

This morning Andy tended to his ailing wife, showing his enormous tenderness and compassion. He is scheduled to make sales calls in the NE suburbs of Detroit and has planned to have lunch at Recipes Restaurant in Troy. This afternoon he will be working remotely before heading to Huron Meadows GC in Brighton for his last golf league night of the year. After golf he will join his brother for a beer at Champ’s Pub before heading home to see his beloved family.

2008 TPC Round 2 Pairings… Revised

NGAWire® 12Aug08

After review of the blind drawing results for the 1^st round of the 2008 TPC (conducted last Friday), last year’s champion Kurt Goetzke has issued the following:

In lieu of the outcome of the BLIND DRAW, I have petitioned the NGA to CHANGE my 2007 CHAMPION 2nd DAY PAIRING SELECTIONS…I was told in response by the NGA that since I won last year, I can do whatever the hell I want, and also, that I am a JACK for not waiting for the BLIND DRAW pairings to come out…But, since the NGA was dragging their feet and the field was demanding some information, I decided to calm down the natives before the BLIND DRAW picks came out…SO, here are the AMENDED 2nd day pairings as selected by the 2007 TPC CHAMPION…ENJOY!!!

GROUP 1 – Kurt Goetzke, Coree Raden, Andy Kurncz, Steve Lawler

GROUP 2 – Jim Hartigan, Bruce Kruckeberg, Jeff Pretzer, Karl Nagy

GROUP 3 – Ron Clifton, Dan McKay, Jeff Longeway, Brent Pretzer

iPhone Is My Phone

NGAWire® 8Aug08

Yesterday I picked up my new 3G iPhone from the local AT&T store. Farewell my Treo 700p, farewell.

Day In His Life

NGAWire® 7Aug08

Today Andy Kurncz went to work. He enjoyed lunch and had a very busy day. He is planning to attend his golf league this evening and is looking forward to seeing his wife and children when he arrives home.

2008 TPC Round 2 Pairings Released

NGAWire® 7Aug08

2007 TPC Champion, Kurt Goetzke, is proud to announce the following group pairings for round 2 of TPC 2008 at Garland Resort:

GROUP 1 – KURT GOETZKE, STEVE LAWLER, BRUCE KRUCKEBERG, JEFF LONGEWAY

GROUP 2 – KARL NAGY, COREE RADEN, DAN MCKAY, PLAYER #12

GROUP 3 – JEFF PRETZER, JIM HARTIGAN, BRENT PRETZER, RON CLIFTON

How did Goetzke come up with his pairings you ask?

Let him break it down for you.

1) If given the chance, I will always set up a pairing with JEFF and BRUCE. JEFF and I go way back and I like to play with him whenever I can…I don’t see BRUCE more than a couple three times a year, unfortunately, and again, if given the chance, I will always try to play with him at least once at TPC. STEVE was the 4th for his solid play and saving my year by fixing a major (one of the many) flaw in my swing (weight alignment) and getting my distance back!!!

2) In group 2, I decided that PLAYER #12 needed cigar love with his buddy NAGY and I know PLAYER #12 enjoys playing with DAN. COREE was a perfect fit for this grouping because it needed a little sexing up (come on, look at the other three in the group) and I could not put him with RON, because RON would have trouble controlling himself around COREE.

3) I put the PRETZER bros together, because, well, they are brothers and I put HARTIGAN with them, because JIMMY MY BOY had been saying how much he wanted play with PJP and make him coffee or something. As for RON, can play with anyone, so he was a natural fit to this group.

NGA NOTE – The deadline for PLAYER #12 entry into the 2008 TPC is tomorrow, 8/8/08, by 5:00pm.

I’m Sorry Apple… I Was Wrong

NGAWire® 24Jul08

Yesterday the NGA placed a pre-order for the 3G iPhone. The AT&T clerk stated I should receive the phone in 10 – 20 days, but noted in actuality they have been coming in much sooner.

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

NGAWire® 23Jul08

The 2008 TPC is just less than two months away, yet entrants for this prestigious event are stagnated at seven. Players currently entered are:

1. Dan McKay 10/25/07 $160 ***Gift Winner***

2. Coree Raden 10/26/07 $160 ***Gift Winner***

3. Karl Nagy 10/31/07 $160 ***Gift Winner***

4. Ron Clifton 1/9/08 $160 ***Gift Winner***

5. Kurt Goetzke 1/11/08 $160 ***Gift Winner***

6. Jeff Longeway 1/14/08 $160 ***Gift Winner***

7. Bruce Kruckeberg 4/3/08 $160

Based on NGA insider information, the field for the 2008 TPC could include:

8. Steve Lawler - $$$ pending, 92% in

9. Jeff Pretzer - $$$ pending, 77% in

10. Brent Pretzer - $$$ pending, 77% in

11. Andy Kurncz - $$$ pending, 53% in

Other former TPC participants most likely out are:

Tim O'Connor - Hates golf, hates anything about golf. He now fishes every weekend.

Mark Chapman - Lacking will power to golf, not good anyhow.

Jim Hartigan - Family matters may be too much to overcome.

Matt Maser - Brazil bound, busy packing home and family. Ter uma boa viagem!

Mark D'Antiono - No longer receives googlegroup messages due to frenzied wife, didn't receive TPC invite.

Jesse Nagy - Chose to visit SC in August versus visiting MI in September.

Eric Fournier - Didn't receive invite, can't play golf anymore. If he could, he would.

The formal deadline for entries is set as 5:00pm on 8/8/08.

Screw You Apple

NGAWire® 18Jul08

Last Monday (7/14/08) I had planned to purchase the new Apple 3G iPhone. During lunch, I went to the local Greenville AT&T store, but I was told they were out of stock. They said I could place a pre-order for the phone and it would be available in 7 to 10 days. I told them “No thanks!” and I’d come back when they had stock of the phone.

On Wednesday (7/16/08) I called all four of the greater Greenville area AT&T stores to check on stock status. None of them has the phone in stock, but pre-ordering was still offered.

Today I called the Apple store in Charlotte. They would not tell me their stock situation of iPhone’s, but directed me to check the Apple web page after 9:00pm to find out about Saturday availability. I did as told, but unfortunately both the Charlotte and Atlanta stores did not have the 16G (Black) phone.

What the hell Apple? You come out with a new iPhone and don’t have enough inventories for everyone wanting one? You market the hell out of your product and then leave the people hanging? Ridiculous!!

Maybe I will rethink my move from Verizon to AT&T.

Best Ever

NGAWire® 17Jun08

Yesterday Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open in a playoff over Rocco Mediate.

Tiger Woods is the greatest, Tiger Woods is the best. I love Tiger Woods.

Baby Great McKay Has Arrived

NGAWire® 8Jun08

The NGA family grew by one this past Thursday (6/5/08) with the arrival of Dylan James McKay. Dylan arrived at 7:03pm. He weighed 4 lbs and measured 17.25 inches in length.

Dylan arrived a few months earlier than scheduled, but is doing fine. Mom Kim and Dad Dan are excited about his arrival, as are pseudo siblings Bogey, Bailey and Blue.

Congrats McKay family!

Hip Hip Hooray! 3G iPhone On The Way!

NGAWire® 20May08

Apple's next-generation iPhone is likely to arrive on 6/9/08 when Steve Jobs addresses the Worldwide Developers Conference in San Francisco.

The 3G iPhone will be apparently available immediately after the keynote in the US, with an international roll-out within weeks, according to 'someone very, very close to the 3G iPhone launch.'

NGA’s Karl Nagy states “Yes sir! I have been waiting for this day my entire life. I can’t believe it is finally here!”

Brainiac Wins Powerball

NGAWire® 20May08

Saturday’s Powerball jackpot winner is Jonathan Vargas, a 19-year-old construction worker from Gaston, South Carolina.

Vargas matched all six numbers to win the $35 million jackpot. He decided to take the lump-sum of $17.5 million.

The first thing he'll do now that he's a jackpot winner? "I don't know, probably play some video games," Vargas said in a Monday news conference.

He's a construction worker, and says this was the first time he'd ever played Powerball.

"I was feeling lucky, plus I had to get for gas," he says.

Vargas says he plans to buy his mother, Patricia Richardson, a home, and then he wants to invest. He says his aunt is an accountant, so she's helping him out.

"A lot of people go retarded with that kind of money," Vargas said, "But God has a plan for me. I have faith."

Good luck not going retarded Jonathan!

Pretzer In Tight Pistons Jersey Too Sexy

NGAWire® 30Apr08

NGA Investigative Reporters

NGA investigative reporters received the following disturbing image from last night’s Pistons/Sixers playoff tilt. In this grainy photo released by unnamed sources, NGA member and former TPC ROY Jeff “PJP” Pretzer was spotted sporting a very tight and, from all accounts, MUCHO SEXY Tayshaun Prince (#22) jersey (sleeveless, of course). Comments heard from the crowd included “Nice Guns”, “Hubba Hubba”, “OUUUGAH” and “Beefcake”, amongst others.

The NGA is still awaiting comment from Pretzer. Only then can his man card privileges be adequately reviewed.

Welcome Baby Nagy!

NGAWire® 27Apr08

We are happy to announce the arrival of Owen Thomas Nagy to the NGA family. Owen was born on April 24 at 5:55pm. His weight was 8 lbs, 4 oz and he was 22 inches long.

Mom Courtney and baby Owen are doing great, brother Evan is happy to have a playmate and Dad Karl is hunky-dory.

Owen is expected to make his NGA debut at the 2023 TPC.

NOTE – Please see www.babynagy.com for more information.

Battle Of Glenhurst

NGAWire® 13Apr08

The titanic battle anticipated at yesterday's Glenhurst Scramble between Team Lawler/McKay/Longeway and Team Goetzke/Pretzer/Kurncz never materialized.

As happens at times, the hype of the mêlée is outdone by the actual match itself. Do you recall the Chicago Bears trouncing of the Washington Redskins 73-0 in 1940 NFL championship, the University of Michigan beat down of USC 49-0 in the 1948 Rose Bowl or the Team Shania ass thumping of Team Celine 10-1 in the 2003b Guldahl Cup Matches?

Team Lawler finished in an impressive tie for 2nd place with a score of 61 (-9). The Lawler trio split around $1000. Team Goetzke finished way back with a dismal round of 66 (-4). The day cost Team Goetzke members around $200 each.

A Day In The Life Of The Chapman Brothers

NGAWire® 7Apr08

Today Andy and his brother Mark headed to Moose Ridge Golf Course for their Michigan season opening round of golf.

1. What signals spring golf in Michigan better than a bag of wild rum flavor Backwoods cigars?

2. The Moose Ridge warning sign clearly instructs Andy and Mark of their tee box selection. Will they listen?

3. Andy lights his cigar with his oversized Zippo lighter.

4. Andy makes a sweet swing. Looks like another fairway split right down the middle.

5. Oh no! Looks like a pulled shot from the left rough. This can only be trouble!

6. Two balls close on the 9th green. One is Mark’s tee shot, the other Andy’s provisional (Mark 3, Andy 4).

7. Mark struts after sticking a shot on the 11th hole. No need of cockiness this earlier in the year Mark.

8. Mark looks solid on tee. Can you believe this syrupy looking swing produced a dub? Maybe he was still cocky?

9. A trip back to the simpler days of golf. Mark works on his reverse ‘C’ finish. Pure sweetness!

10. Andy offers a light to the stuffed clubhouse bear.

11. Mark enjoys a laugh. Maybe they should have heeded the warning?

Final scores were Andy 86, Mark 103. Great season opener boys!!

A Day In The Life Of Capo McKay

NGAWire® 7Apr08

HGA.5 Staff Writer, Dan McKay

With the temp in the low 60’s, Sunday marked a nice springtime Michigan golf season opener. The day in a nut shell:

1. Where are the keys, I’m going GOLFING!

2. Bag ready and waiting.

3. Loading it all up.

4. Happy driving!

5. Scotty loves to see putting greens. Can’t you see the smile!

6. Lawler giddy with golf love!

7. Huge lead!

8. What great form!

9. This guy, or Bigfoot, walked just like Kurt perhaps he was spying on team Lawler.

10. My lead evaporated on the back. No worries. Team Lawler was pleased with all of their Sunday play.

11. Ahhh… golf in the springtime. Happy happy joy joy!

Two Teams Prepare, One In Despair

NGAWire® 6Apr08

April 6 will be forever marked as the first official golf weekend for the 2008 season, only one week before the fabled Glenhurst Memorial. Golfers were out in droves and tee time sheets were booked. A few die hard souls from the NGA world paired up to kick off the ‘08 season.

Kurt “The Goat” Goetzke (Team Goetzke/Pretzer/Kurncz Captain and unofficial “A” player) and Jeff “Lenny” Longeway (Team Lawler/McKay/Longeway “C” player) kicked off the morning round at Glenhurst GC. Longeway fired a blistering 79, taming the beast of Redford and shocking both team captains. Goetzke, on the other hand shocked only himself. He turned in a quote of “terrible” describing his round of 79. “If I played like this at Greystone, it would have been in the 90’s for sure and the bad thing is that I putted terrible” said Goetzke.

While on the other side of town, the remaining team members of Team LML, Steve “The Law” Lawler and Dan “Capo” McKay teed it up for an afternoon round at the famed Plumbrook GC. The rounds did not come as a shock to Capt Lawler, who fired a lackluster round of 75, and McKay, scoring an unfulfilled 78. “If we would have played like this at Greystone today we would have shot…oh yea we didn’t” said Lawler. “I had one goal today and that was just to play a round of golf.” Both players were rusty as expected and no putt was made over twelve feet on the bumpy greens.

After posting three scores in the 70’s, Team LML is shaping up and ready for its challenge next Saturday at the Memorial. As for Team GPK, it is all in the hands of Andy “The Hedgehog” Kurncz. He is the only man that can right the ship.

NGA REMINDER – Early this spring, Goetzke was booted from Team Greystone.

Nagy-Kurncz Strike Standing Bet for 2008

NGAWire® 31Mar08

In order to try and spice up their sorry golf games, sorry assed NGA members Karl Nagy and Andy Kurncz have agreed to a standing bet for the 2008 golf season.

This bet begins April 1 and runs to the end of the year. The bet structure will be re-evaluated once a player reaches the +$50 mark.

Payout Nagy Kurncz

+$10 <76 <80

+$5 76-79 80-83

$0 80-86 83-90

-$5 >86 >90

The NGA wishes good luck to both players, but we are whole heartedly rooting for Nagy.

What Did I Do?

NGAWire® 26Mar08

Detroit's Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick and his former chief of staff Christine Beatty have been charged with lying under oath about having an affair and about their role in firing a police officer.

"Seventy years. What did I do? They're trying to lock me up forever. For text messages?" Kilpatrick told the standing-room-only crowd at the Shrine of the Black Madonna on Detroit’s west side.

In some of those more than 14,000 messages, Kilpatrick and Beatty - both married at the time - exchanged sexual banter, declared their love and arranged trysts in motels in Metro Detroit and on out-of-town business trips.

"I have the opportunity right now to go prison, not jail, for text messages. There's been no evidence. No facts presented. Get out of office and go to prison." stated the Mayor.

We all hope that Kwame’s good name will be cleared and the city of Detroit continues its resurrection.

Albion College Golf – A Brotherhood For All Time

NGAWire® 20Mar08

In a ludicrous finding, NGA members Kurt Goetzke and Jim Hartigan just recently discovered they played on the same Albion College golf team in 1988. Goetzke, a young, upstart, hot shot freshman, and Hartigan, a time tested, wise, upper class senior, were both members of the MIAA Albion Britons collegiate golf team, but did not know each other. Flabbergasted to obtain this information, the NGA declares this to be the stupidest NGAWire® ever!

Q1 – How many years did you play?

JH: 1, my senior year.

KG: Less than 1.

Q2 – Where you scholarship or walk-on?

JH: Walk on.

KG: Walk on, no scholarships in Division 3.

Q3 – Were you any good?

JH: No.

KG: Better than now.

Q4 – Did you play in any tournaments?

JH: As an alternate. My scores didn't count. I was the extra guy in case someone got struck by lighting.

KG: No, I quit before the first tournament because the coach didn’t play me even though I was better than most on the team.

Q5 – What was your best score?

JH: I don't remember if I broke 90.

KG: No idea.

Q6 – What was your best memory?

JH: Playing Kalamazoo CC in the pouring rain for 17 of the 18 holes. I do remember shooting 99.

KG: Meeting Jim and not remembering it.

Q7 – Who was the best player on your team?

JH: Coons, I think. Don't remember his first name.

KG: Shamus Fitzpatrick, in his mind, that is.

Q8 – What team was the best in your conference?

JH: Hope, I believe.

KG: Hope College.

Q9 – Did you take Kurt (Jim take you) under your (his) wing like a big brother?

JH: I don't remember Kurt.

KG: No, too busy smoking pot.

Q10 – What did you think of Kurt (Jim) then?

JH: No recollection.

KG: Who?

Q11 – What do you think of Kurt (Jim) now?

JH: Whadda you mean? I love that man.

KG: A fine coffee maker.

Q12 – Was Kurt (Jim) a dick?

JH: There were no dicks on my golf team. We were brothers, in a loose sense.

KG: He thought his shit didn’t stink.

Q13 – What did you think of his mullet (pot smoking)?

JH: I didn't notice it.

KG: We were all advocates of it in those days.

Q14 – Why didn’t you remember Kurt (Jim) was on your team?

JH: I only played three times. He was never in my group. I don't remember being on the bus with him. He said he didn't play at Kalamazoo. Duck Lake was our home course.

KG: Doing too many drugs.

Q15 – Did being on the golf team help to get girls?

JH: Turns out no. I did all the ground work.

KG: No, that was my big penis.

Q16 – Was playing Albion golf fun?

JH: The short time it lasted, yes. I tried to get as many practice rounds in that I could.

KG: Best time of my life.

Q17 – Are you a better player now or then?

JH: Now, but not by much though.

KG: Then.

When He Could Play

NGAWire® 19Mar08

Ten years ago, he could play. Boy could he play. Rumors had always existed that he could, but nothing was ever seen to back it up.

His season average was an impressive 78.82. Only three of his 65 scores were higher than 87. He broke the 80 barrier 44 times and shot 75 or less 21 times.

He averaged over 8 GIR’s per round, hitting 13 or more five times. He made 6 eagles and recorded 3 or more birdies 14 times.

Only 13 of his 1098 holes (4 rounds were not detailed) were played at greater than double bogey.

In his final 14 rounds, his scoring average was an astonishing 73.79.

Ten years ago Andy Kurncz could play.

2011 TPC… No So Far Away

NGAWire® 18Mar08

In just around 1300 days, the NGA will be embarking on the mother of all tournaments, the 2011 TPC in Scotland and Ireland.

In speaking with a number of NGA members, interest is very high. However, the cost of this event will end up deterring many members.

Those interested should begin preparation to obtain spousal approval and vacation time off, along with a plan to save the necessary funds.

The NGA will begin to collect payments from those truly interested later this year.

Our Anna, Sweet Anna

NGAWire® 17Mar08

Below is a cheeky collage of our girl Anna. Remember gang, playing good golf is not everything.

Rawson Disappoints In LPGA Opener, Still Declared Hot

NGAWire® 16Mar08

LPGA rookie Anna Rawson participated in her first 2008 tournament at last week’s MasterCard Classic Honoring Alejo Peralta.

The little minx Anna played her rear off, firing rounds of 73 and 79. Unfortunately her total of 152 was 3 higher than needed to make the cut.

Better luck next tourney Anna!!

Lemmon, McKay, Clifton ’08 CJI Champions

NGAWire® 13Mar08

Teammates Chris Lemmon, Dan McKay and Ron Clifton (CAPT) defeated Kurt Goetzke, Karl Nagy and Andy Kurncz (CAPT) to win the inclement weather laden 2008 CJI.

Team LMC parlayed an outstanding opening round into complete defeat of Team GNK. The trio of Lemmon-McKay-Clifton won by 9 strokes, 203 (67-68-68) to 212 (74-71-67).

“We won! We won! We won!” exclaimed Captain Clifton. “Pinch me, I must be sleeping. I really can’t believe we pulled off the upset. We won! We won!”

In stark contrast, Captain Kurncz’s disappointment with his top man Goetzke was evident. “They ham and egged it very well” exclaimed a weary eyed Kurncz. “They received key contributions from each player, we did not.”

Due to a number of factors (early morning tee times, daylight savings, a long drive home, bad weather in New York, leg aches and pains, 36 holes of golf the prior day, lack of good rest, too much eating), the final round of the tournament was cancelled, reducing the tournament to 54 holes.

The funny thing is that no one really seemed to oppose it.

NGA NOTE – Two foolish CJI members, Andy Kurncz and Karl Nagy, foolishly wagered on the results of their foolish rounds. Both players owe not-so-foolish bettor Steve Lawler $15 per man. Just plain foolish boys!

Do You Google Group?

NGAWire® 4Mar08

Have you ever wondered who the greatest 2006tpc@googlegroups.com google grouper of all time is?

The top posters since June 2006 are:

Posts Member

1584 kgoet...@hungryhowies.com

975 karln...@yahoo.com

761 dmc...@hungryhowies.com

652 karl.n...@bmwmc.com

510 andy.kur...@emersonprocess.com

472 ronald.clif...@sbcglobal.net

414 cormick.ra...@haworth.com

368 thela...@sbcglobal.net

353 jlong...@ford.com

92 mattma...@sbcglobal.net

Keep them posts coming!!

Law Enforcement

NGAWire® 3Mar08

Steve Lawler and Karl Nagy have placed a number of wagers on the state of Nagy’s golf game during the upcoming CJI.

A push number has been established per round based on the yardage of the course. If Nagy can better the number, he wins; if he goes over, Lawler collects. The target numbers are 81 (distance under 6000 yards), 83 (distance between 6000 and 6999 yards) and 85 (distance 7000 yards of greater).

If Nagy can break 80, he will earn a bonus $5, but if he blows 91 or more, Lawler collects the fiver.

These scores may be bit lofty based on the state of Nagy’s game.

“I am sure there will be at least one round played where too many good cigars, too much warm sun and one too many cold beers will be too much to over come!” stated Nagy.

Finally, Finally, Finally!

NGAWire® 1Mar08

After a hard week of heated negotiations, Dayton House’s Bert Dawkins has secured golf courses for the 2008 CJI. A last minute increase to the number of players caused havoc to the original CJI course selections.

The final schedule of golf is as below:

Fri (3/7/08) – Wild Wing Avocet (12:18pm, 12:24pm)

Sat (3/8/08) – Legends Parkland (7:08am, 7:16am)

Sat (3/8/08) – Legends Moorland (1:32pm Front & Back)

Sun (3/9/08) – Prestwick (7:30am, 7:38pm)

The final handicaps for the tournament are Chris Lemmon (4), Kurt Goetzke (6), Karl Nagy (8), Dan McKay (9), Andy Kurncz (11) and Ron Clifton (15).

This year the CJI will be conducted as a 2-man best ball team event. Good luck to everyone!

Big Changes For Team Greystone; 2008 Projected Great

NGAWire® 26Feb08

Sometimes the only solution is to throw the baby out with the bath water. MPGA’s Team Greystone believes this to be fact and is flushing five of its own down the toilet in hopes of resurrecting a once promising team.

After a dismal season in 2007, Team Greystone overhauled themselves by dumping 5 players, exactly one half of their team members. Included in the unloading was NGA mainstays Kurt Goetzke and Dan McKay.

Can such a personnel overhaul work for Greystone? “It really can’t get any worse!” stated an unnamed Greystone captain. “They simple are not good golfers. We truly enjoyed having these guys on our team and wish them good luck in their future golfing endeavors.”

Also being dismissed was Larry Semczak (appreciative about the dismissal), Nate Stevens (joined Team Wolverines) and Chris Lowry (was hoping for a banner year, but caught in a numbers game).

One surprise was the retention of full time substitute Andy Kurncz. Even though Kurncz is not really a “team” member, it was shocking that Greystone would retain services of a practice player averaging 91.8.

NGAWire® NOTE – Former Team Greystone member Kurt Goetzke opened his 2008 golf season with masterful round of 72. Could this cause Greystone captain Steve Lawler to rue the day he cut Goetzke from the team or was this simply a matter of happenstance?

Late Comers Increase CJI By Two

NGAWire® 25Feb08

The NGA is pleased to welcome two new contestants to the 2008 CJI – Danny McKay and Andy Kurncz.

Though the request by McKay and Kurncz to attend the Myrtle Beach gathering was very late coming, the NGA decided that it was in the best interest of all parties to grant them entry.

McKay, a CJI rookie, has secured airline flights to and from Myrtle Beach while Kurncz, also a CJI rookie, choose to navigate the 822 mile trip by car.

Welcome to the CJI boys!

NOTE – The late entries by McKay and Kurncz have screwed the crap out of the original CJI golf course rota. Hopefully the NGA and Dayton House will be able to find one or two semi decent courses to play.

Creamer Wins Fields Open, NGA Very Pleased

NGAWire® 24Feb08

Yesterday Paul Creamer won the LPGA’s Fields Open in Hawaii with a closing round of 66. She birdied the last three holes to nip competitor Jeong Jang by one stroke.

Paula’s total of 200 (-16) was very exciting. This was Creamer’s 5th career LPGA victory.

The NGA loves Paula! We always have and always will.

The Dream

NGAWire® 12Feb08

Last night I had a dream that the final round of the 2008 TPC started to tee off a little late. By the time the leaders group went to tee off it was dark outside. Apparently the reason for the delay was that Andy got us all a great deal on the round, but they threw in flashlights so that it would make it easier. The final group was Ron, some guy Ron knew named Joe, another guy I don't know, and myself.

On the first tee we were told that it was a dog leg left and that we should aim at the street light off in the distance, but only hit the drive around 220 yards, otherwise it would OB.

Ron's friend Joe was in the lead and we were all bitching because he had a hefty handicap but shot something like 76 in the first round.

Waking up this morning I had a few things that I would like to ask the NGA and KGAM.

1. Please don't schedule the final round at 7:30 pm.

2. Please don't invite any friend of Ron's named Joe something.

3. If Ron's friend Joe is invited, please give him an appropriate handicap.

4. Please start loading up on batteries and improving your sprinting times if any of the above come true.

Respectfully yours,

Dan "First official entrant and badge no. 1 bearer for the 2008 TPC" McKay

Tiger Makes NGA Happy

NGAWire 27Jan08

Tiger Woods holds an 8 shot lead with the final round to play at the 2008 Buick Invitational. This makes me very happy. The rest of the PGA Tour members should be ashamed.

2008 CJI Is Finalized… Maybe?

NGAWire® 24Jan08

The NGA’s newest spring tune-up known as the CJI is set for March 6 – 9, 2008.

Accommodations (for the second straight year) will be at the Dayton House West Building. Each morning breakfast will be served at Uncle John’s Family Restaurant.

Four rounds of golf have been scheduled as below:

Fri (3/7/08) – Wild Wing Avocet (12:28pm)

Sat (3/8/08) – Legends Parkland (7:16am)

Sat (3/8/08) – Legends Moorland (1:32pm)

Sun (3/9/08) – Prestwick (7:30am)

Currently only four players are entered: Karl Nagy, Ron Clifton, Chris Lemmon and Kurt Goetzke. Will others also attend? Only time will tell.

2008 Season Opener

NGAWire® 22Jan08

The MLK holiday is one that mandates remembrance of the past, yet encourages ponderance into the future.

Remembering and pondering were utmost on Karl Nagy’s mind as he headed to Carolina Springs GC in Fountain Inn, SC for his season opening round of golf yesterday, but maybe golf should have been.

He toured the Pines/Cedar nines in 91 shots. Not the score he has hoping for, but one he will and must accept. “In the past, I would have been dismayed about a round like I played today” stated Nagy. “Many shots I played were flat out unacceptable.”

The NGA wishes Nagy an outstanding 2008!

McKay Rebukes Love Gone

NGAWire® 15Jan08

NGA Staff Writer, Danny McKay

As an honorable NGA member in good standing (hopefully) I am greatly disappointed that the NGA has allowed the NGA Wire article "Where Has The Love Gone?" to be published without all of the facts.

In deed the article speaks clearly to the opinion that Mr. Goetzke and Mr. Lawler questioned my love for the game and their enjoyment on that day of golf. However, one key fact missing in the writings was how the joy of the day was brought to a screeching halt when Sara (the Hooters waitress) asked Kurt what the tattoo on his finger was for.

Was this glaring omission done on purpose? Perhaps the article title has more meaning than we all knew.

Washed Up

NGAWire® 15Jan08

NGA Staff Writer, Kurt Goetzke

An NGA insider has recently brought to this reporter’s attention some very shocking information. While on a recent trip to Florida, Karl Nagy and his brother Jesse went out for a leisurely round of golf. What it turned into was validation of how far the mighty Karl Nagy’s golf game has fallen.

My sources tell me that after 5 holes, Jesse, a novice golfer that holds probably a 30 plus handicap, lead Karl. The struggles continued for Karl and he barely squeaked by on the front nine, beating Jesse by maybe 4-5 strokes.

On the back nine, Jesse continued to apply the pressure, even having an EAGLE PUTT!!! Unfortunately, he 3-putted, something Karl has become very familiar with himself as of late. In the end, Karl hung on for victory, but it was much more difficult than it should have been.

The NGA gained an exclusive interview with Jesse after the round. When asked if he would be returning to play in the TPC this year, he responded that “he was looking forward to maybe playing this year and kicking all of our sorry asses, especially Karl’s (again).”

An attempt was also made to interview Karl, but he was not available for comment, fleeing to his car right off the 18th green, driving off with his golf shoes still on and the sweat of a hard fought (too hard fought) round still on his brow.

NGA NOTE – The actual final scores were Karl 86, Jesse 101.

Sayonara, Szervusz, Ciao

NGAWire® 14Jan08

After reading the NGAWire® article titled ‘Where Has The Love Gone?’, a bewildered Dan McKay has had enough.

McKay has issued the following statement:

“Have a wonderful life. Take care all, and may your families flourish joyfully.”

No addition comments from McKay are available.

Where Has The Love Gone?

NGAWire® 12Jan08

NGA Staff Writer, Kurt Goetzke

On Friday, Steve came to Hungry Howie's for lunch. Over slices of pizza we began to talk about how the weather has been and the possibility of playing some golf. As Steve was about to leave, he came in my office and I got on to accuweather.com and found that the forecast for Saturday was very favorable. It said about 40 degrees and partly cloudy with minimal wind. We made plans to play around 11:30AM. We were giddy with anticipation. As I was going to the afternoon workout, I stopped by to see Dan, certain that he'd be excited about the prospects of playing as well. He does live right down the road, after all, and who loves the game more than Dan??? Or so I thought. Much to my dismay, his response was that "he may have something to do" and "he'd let us know". I immediately contacted Steve with the news that Dan was being a BIG PUSSY, and that he should contact him. I got a call from this morning from Steve at about 9:30AM saying he had talked to Dan (after several calls back and forth with Dan not answering his phone..."what are you talking about!!!!"). What I found out shocked and amazed me. Steve asked if Dan was in for this morning. Dan asked him what time. Steve told him he had a quick job to do, and he'd be there in about an hour. Dan then said he "probably would not be able to make it." Something about buying floor mats for his car. After some ribbing from Steve, Dan unceremoniously hung up, not to be heard from the rest of the day. There once was a time when Dan would be the first in the parking lot, full of anticipation and excitement, not being able to sleep the night before, because he knew there was golf to play the next morning. A golf club in his hand as natural as his little winky the first time he whacked off to Ginger (or was it Mary Ann) watching Gilligan's Island. Oh how times have changed. Now, floor mats take precedence over the former love of his life. We can only ask WHY DAN??? Where has the love gone??? Oh well, as they say. Steve and I plugged along. And what a day of golf it would turn out to be. It was nip and tuck all day long, with Steve pulling out a hard fought victory in the end (71-72). Several laughs were had throughout the round at our friends’ expense. More than once, the name of Andy Kurncz was invoked. Be it when a drive went into the sun and nobody saw it ("Why doesn't anyone ever watched Kurnczie’s ball??? I'm not watching yours now!!!) or when there was a divot out of a green in one of our lines ("hey, Kurnczie must have played in front of us"), it was laugh after laugh. Then, we started talking about the TPC and its handicaps for next year and how it's not fair that Lawler has to give 10 strokes to Nagy and how Nagy laughs about them because they are not hurting him (and are in fact helping him), so he's fine with it. Steve and I both decided that the handicap committee should be re-formed and a meeting at the LS was in order. And then, there was our good buddy Dan, again. Talk moved to the Glenhurst Spring Scramble and how Steve, Dan and Lennie (their new ‘C’ player) were going to take on the field this year. Yet, after Dan's no show, and apparent new love for Home and Gardening, we began discussing how NO LOVE DAN may have to be replaced. We remembered how Coree had texted us earlier and said how much he wished he could have been there and that if we waited a couple hours, he'd be in and how, even if he had his kids, he'd still be there and the 3 of them would caddie for us. Now that is LOVE and DEDICATION to the game. Steve and I laughed about this and decided that Coree is the logical replacement for Dan as their ‘B’ player this year. Chuckles could be heard across the course. After Steve holed out for a nice bogey 5 on 18 to beat me by one, we moved on to HOOTERS for some BEER and FOOD. Our server Sara (see picture), a pretty hot little Chaldean girl, entertained us for an hour or so and forced us to do a shot of Washington Apple. With our bellies full and a couple of libations in us to just give us a little buzz, the day was complete. Sorry for those that missed it, but it sure is great to say that we played golf in Michigan in January and that the course was in decent shape and the weather was excellent, all things considered. If only Dan would have been there with us. Ehhh, maybe not. He just would have held us up and caused us to blow a higher number watching him play out of the trees all day (that was our final laugh). Please enjoy the final stats and pictures.

Round Statistics

Kurt 72, 10 Greens, 3 Birdies, 3 Fairways, 28 Putts

Steve 71 10 Greens, 4 Birdies, 4 Fairways, 27 Putts

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