Standing Bet Set For 2007 Golf Season
NGAWire® 31Oct06
NGA members Karl Nagy and
If Woods wins a tournament, Nagy will win $5, however if Mickelson is
victorious, Kurncz will collect $10. The only stipulation on this bet is that
both players must be entered in the tournament for the victory to count.
The NGA wishes good luck to both
Nagy and Kurncz on a fruitful 2007!
NOTE – Since 2000, Woods has won
39 (31 w/Mickelson) tournaments and Mickelson 16 (6 w/Woods).
NGAWire® 11Sep06
Staff Writer, Jeff Longeway
It has been reported from an anonymous source that two contestants,
including a past champion, have failed the first ever drug testing imposed by
the NGA. It is said that one failed for a diluted urine sample and the other
was positive for HGH.
The first contestant is believed to be
The 2nd player under investigation is the defending champion Steve Lawler.
He has been accused of a more serious offense of using steroids (HGH). Steve
claims that they were prescribed under the guidance of a doctor to help him
achieve a normal height. "I have been taking injections and applying this
cream to my head since I was 14. Without it, I would still have my hair, but I
would only be 4' 8" tall.” When an anonymous contestant was informed of
this infraction, he was quoted as saying "that explains how that little
bastard hits the ball so far.”
Both players have filed a grievance with the NGA to have their sample
"B" tested. They will remain eligible for this year’s event since
this testing will not be completed in time.
NOTE – Kurt Goetzke and Jeff Longeway have been told they must attend a
mandatory counseling session at this year’s event to maintain eligibility. It
has been revealed that both players’ samples showed high levels of cholesterol
and evidence of frequent and high volumes of alcohol consumption. The mandatory
session titled ‘Healthy Living for the Middle Age Man’ is being held at the
Manistee McDonalds starting at
KTG Resurfaces Only To Suffer Another Tragic Injury
NGAWire® 5Sep06
Staff Writer, Kurt Goetzke
Famed prognosticator, Kurnczie the Greek, was seriously injured while on
a recent trip to
In an exclusive interview with the NGA, KTG was asked why he was swimming
in the lake. He responded "Didn't you know that Manistee was the Sting Ray
capitol of
Kurnczie The Greek In Intensive Care
NGAWire® 1Sep06
The NGA has received information that Kurnczie the Greek was involved in
a horrific bus accident in
Kurnczie, a world famous prognosticator and a one time employee for the
NGA (1999-2004), was involved in a hit and run accident Saturday (
Important to followers of the NGA, a crumpled napkin was found in Kurnczie’s
pocket listing odds for the 2006
It is unknown if Kurnczie the Greek was working in conjunction with the
HGA Betting House or just on vacation, but we all wish him a healthy recovery.
God bless you Kurnczie!
McKay Pops Nut In League Night Finale
NGAWire® 31Aug06
NGA stalwart and HGA co-chairman Dan McKay walked off the course during last
evening’s league night finale.
What may have caused McKay’s breakdown? A crappy
As McKay approached the green, a few unkind words were exchanged between
McKay and Goetzke. McKay flipped the group the bird and walked back to the
clubhouse with golf bag on shoulder. It is believe that McKay then returned to
his car and drove home, cursing the golf league the entire way.
Is McKay a ticking time bomb (ie. Matt Maser circa 1995) or is he just a
victim for happenstance? Can McKay gather himself in time for the 2006
McKay did not win election as the
2007 league treasurer.
2011
NGAWire® 14Aug06
The NGA is pleased to announce its appointment of HGA chieftain Dan McKay
as co-chairman of the 2011
Goetzke Abandons Team, Seeks Treatment
NGAWire® 7Aug06
Yesterday Kurt Goetzke abandoned his Greystone MPGA golf team in order to
rest his self and horrid golf game.
Goetzke participated in a two-man invitational tournament last Thursday, Friday
and Saturday. Rumor has it that Goetzke could not hit his driver and was
not a helpful partner. It seems as though Goetkze’s ball was in his
pocket on more than one occasion in this Stableford-like scoring event.
It is not known how Goetzke’s team finished, but it is believed to be
near the bottom quarter.
Sunday morning, Steve Lawler (Greystone Captain) received a call from
Goetzke stating that he would not be attending the team’s playoff match that
afternoon. He stated his game was in such bad shape that it may be better
for teammate Dan McKay take his position in the line-up. Goetzke did not
attend the match. Team Greystone was slaughtered and its season was
ended, all while Goetzke slept.
Once a favorite for the 2006
We all wish Goetzke a safe and
speedy recovery!
NGAWire®
correction – This was Team Greystone’s final regular season match, not the
first round of the playoffs. We are so sorry!
Kurncz Turns Other
Cheek
NGAWire® 4Aug06
Today
Somewhere playing the 10th hole, Andy called to update me that
was halfway home. Even with a triple on the 7th, he was still
able to moxie out a 42. I told him nice job! He was really happy
with his game.
I asked him how Steve was playing. He said that he was ‘kicking’
his ass. I wished him good luck on the back.
After the round was over, Steve called to tell me that Andy’s round of
promise was no more. After a par on 10, Andy hit the double skids.
After proclaiming an ‘ass kicking’ to Law, it sounds like he didn’t make a par
the rest of the way. He limped home in 49.
Steve, down by 8 somewhere along the way, ended up winning by 10.
League
Night Glory Lost
NGAWire®
26May06
Staff
Writer, Karl Nagy
I have a
story from league night.
The weather forecast
for golf yesterday afternoon was horrid.
I decided to go to the course (Willow Creek of course) and wait it
out. The rain slowed down, but the skies
still looked ominous. No one was going
out. It didn’t look that bad. I finally said hell with it and jumped in a
cart.
I started on
the back nine.
10 – 4i, AW,
20 footer into the cup – Birdie (-1)
11 – 3i, PW, 2 putts from 40 ft (8 footer for par) – Par
(-1)
12 – 9i to fringe, 2 putts from 30 ft (6 footer for par)
– Par (-1)
13 – 3i, SW to 40 ft, 2 putts – Par (-1)
14 – 6i, AW, lipped out 10 footer – Par (-1)
15 – 1w, 2i,
8i chip and run to 12 ft, knocked in r-l putt – Birdie (-2)
16 – PW
(from 140y) to 3 feet, cup in – Birdie (-3)
17 – 1w, SW
to 4 inches, tap-in with SW – Birdie (-4)
18 – 1w, 7i
(from 180y) to fringe pin high, 20 footer into cup – Eagle (-6)
I’d say an
opening 30 is a nice start to any round.
I teed of a
The back
nine wasn’t as successful.
1 – 1w, 7i
(from 190y) over green, chip to 10 ft, missed putt – Par (-6)
2 – 4i, 9i
(from 150y) way over the green into a hazard, drop, SW pitch to 50 ft, 3 putts
– Triple (-3)
3 – PW to 30
ft, 3 putts – Bogey (-2)
4 – 5i, PW
(pulled to left), pitch to 20 ft, 2 putts – Bogey (-1)
5 – 5i, PW,
SW to 3 ft, r-l putt into the heart – Birdie (-2)
6 – 1W, LW
to back fringe, 3 putts from 25ft – Bogey (-1)
7 – PW to
18ft, 2 putts (horrid first putt) – Par (-1)
8 – 1w, LW into
bunker, splash out onto fringe, 2 putts from 20 ft – Bogey (E)
9 – 1w, SW
to 15 ft, 2 putts – Par (E)
The magic
was definitely gone after the triple.
I was back
in my car at
Saturday Golf
NGAWire®
13Mar06
Staff
Writer, Danny McKay
On Saturday
Kurt, Matt (Maser), and I played the Legacy.
The weather was decent and the course was really wet, but in overall
good shape for March. Because it was
Kurt's birthday (as if...), he had spent the previous night out on the town and
reportedly did not get home until
On the first
hole Kurt fulfilled his usual ritual and hit it right down the middle. Of course he fulfilled his other ritual on
the first hole and missed a four footer for par. Then after he made double on the second hole,
he spouted something about trying to avoid a blowout. It was classic. Seeing that the next hole was a par 5, I knew
he would be able to right the ship. When
I made an easy birdie, and he walked away with a par, the true golf fires began
to burn. He went on to birdie the next
two holes and then stuck it on the 5 feet on the next, but then missed the
putt.
Anyway we
all turned the front decently. Dan 38,
Kurt 39, Matt 41.
On the 10th
hole, a drivable par 4 with a forced carry of 270 yards over water, Matt flung
on out to about 80 yards. I stepped up and
hit a nice tight draw just to the right of the green, pin high. Now for Kurt!
He stepped up thinking that driver might be too much and proceeded to
hit his shot. It started out going at
the left side of the green and as we waited to see it land just left and long,
it splashed down with a watery crash about 25 yards short of the land. Completely dumbfounded, Kurt marched forward
and dropped. His next shot barely made
it over the water. My eagle pitch came
up about 6 inches short and they just avoided the dreaded $6 pay out.
On the next
hole Kurt (although not traditionally) laid up on a par 5. With a short 50 yard shot into the green, he
once again found his power and hit a thin laser about 50 yards long. Although I will give him credit he was the
only one in the group to make a par.
Now for the
classic moment of the day!! On the 15th
hole, a tough 430 yard par 4, Kurt hit his approach shot (8 iron) from 180 deep
and onto the back fringe. Since he was
trying to make a comeback in our match, he needed to at least make par. He hit his putt from the fringe to about 6
feet. I was standing about 15 feet
behind him when he hit his par attempt.
As the ball missed, I reached down to grab the flag stick and out of the
corner of my eye could see a storm front roll in. The unmistakable angry swipe of a putter
flashed and hit the ball… and within a split second I then heard a fleshy
thud. It was the sound of a golf ball
traveling at high velocity hitting tissue and bone. When I looked up I saw the agony on Matt's
face and the ball trickling away from him.
I then looked over to Kurt and saw his jaw sagging lower than I had ever
seen before.
"I'm
really sorry Matt", Kurt mustered with slumped shoulders. Matt then turned about and began walking
toward his bag.
The awkward
silence severely contrasted the laughter that I had inside. It was too bad that we didn't have a video
camera to capture it all. It would have
been a great loop to enjoy over and over again.
The rest of the
day was a bit anticlimactic. Matt seemed
to forgive Kurt and we all chuckled a bit about it. In the end it was a fun day on the links, but
a classic moment that should have been shared by more.
Final stats: Dan 78, Kurt 81, Matt 86.
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