Standing Bet Set For 2007 Golf Season
NGAWire® 31Oct06
NGA members Karl Nagy and
If Woods wins a tournament, Nagy will win $5,
however if Mickelson is victorious, Kurncz will collect $10. The only
stipulation on this bet is that both players must be entered in the tournament
for the victory to count.
The NGA wishes good
luck to both Nagy and Kurncz on a fruitful 2007!
NOTE – Since 2000,
Woods has won 39 (31 w/Mickelson) tournaments and Mickelson 16 (6 w/Woods).
NGAWire® 11Sep06
Staff Writer, Jeff Longeway
It has been reported from an anonymous source that
two contestants, including a past champion, have failed the first ever drug
testing imposed by the NGA. It is said that one failed for a diluted urine
sample and the other was positive for HGH.
The first contestant is believed to be
The 2nd player under investigation is the defending
champion Steve Lawler. He has been accused of a more serious offense of using
steroids (HGH). Steve claims that they were prescribed under the guidance of a
doctor to help him achieve a normal height. "I have been taking injections
and applying this cream to my head since I was 14. Without it, I would still
have my hair, but I would only be 4' 8" tall.” When an anonymous
contestant was informed of this infraction, he was quoted as saying "that
explains how that little bastard hits the ball so far.”
Both players have filed a grievance with the NGA to
have their sample "B" tested. They will remain eligible for this
year’s event since this testing will not be completed in time.
NOTE – Kurt Goetzke and Jeff Longeway have been told
they must attend a mandatory counseling session at this year’s event to
maintain eligibility. It has been revealed that both players’ samples showed
high levels of cholesterol and evidence of frequent and high volumes of alcohol
consumption. The mandatory session titled ‘Healthy Living for the Middle Age
Man’ is being held at the Manistee McDonalds starting at
KTG Resurfaces Only To Suffer Another Tragic Injury
NGAWire® 5Sep06
Staff Writer, Kurt Goetzke
Famed prognosticator, Kurnczie the Greek, was
seriously injured while on a recent trip to
In an exclusive interview with the NGA, KTG was
asked why he was swimming in the lake. He responded "Didn't you know that
Manistee was the Sting Ray capitol of
Kurnczie The Greek In Intensive Care
NGAWire® 1Sep06
The NGA has received information that Kurnczie the
Greek was involved in a horrific bus accident in
Kurnczie, a world famous prognosticator and a one
time employee for the NGA (1999-2004), was involved in a hit and run accident
Saturday (
Important to followers of the NGA, a crumpled napkin
was found in Kurnczie’s pocket listing odds for the 2006
It is unknown if Kurnczie the Greek was working in
conjunction with the HGA Betting House or just on vacation, but we all wish him
a healthy recovery. God bless you Kurnczie!
McKay Pops Nut In League Night Finale
NGAWire® 31Aug06
NGA stalwart and HGA co-chairman Dan McKay walked
off the course during last evening’s league night finale.
What may have caused McKay’s breakdown? A crappy
As McKay approached the green, a few unkind words were
exchanged between McKay and Goetzke. McKay flipped the group the bird and
walked back to the clubhouse with golf bag on shoulder. It is believe that
McKay then returned to his car and drove home, cursing the golf league the
entire way.
Is McKay a ticking time bomb (ie. Matt Maser circa
1995) or is he just a victim for happenstance? Can McKay gather himself in time
for the 2006
McKay did not win
election as the 2007 league treasurer.
2011
NGAWire® 14Aug06
The NGA is pleased to announce its appointment of
HGA chieftain Dan McKay as co-chairman of the 2011
Goetzke Abandons Team, Seeks Treatment
NGAWire® 7Aug06
Yesterday Kurt Goetzke abandoned his Greystone MPGA
golf team in order to rest his self and horrid golf game.
Goetzke participated in a two-man invitational
tournament last Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Rumor has it that Goetzke
could not hit his driver and was not a helpful partner. It seems as though
Goetkze’s ball was in his pocket on more than one occasion in this
Stableford-like scoring event. It is not known how Goetzke’s team
finished, but it is believed to be near the bottom quarter.
Sunday morning, Steve Lawler (Greystone Captain)
received a call from Goetzke stating that he would not be attending the team’s
playoff match that afternoon. He stated his game was in such bad shape
that it may be better for teammate Dan McKay take his position in the
line-up. Goetzke did not attend the match. Team Greystone was
slaughtered and its season was ended, all while Goetzke slept.
Once a favorite for the 2006
We all wish Goetzke
a safe and speedy recovery!
NGAWire® correction – This was Team Greystone’s final regular season
match, not the first round of the playoffs. We are so sorry!
Kurncz Turns
Other Cheek
NGAWire® 4Aug06
Today
Somewhere playing the 10th hole, Andy
called to update me that was halfway home. Even with a triple on the 7th,
he was still able to moxie out a 42. I told him nice job! He was
really happy with his game.
I asked him how Steve was playing. He said
that he was ‘kicking’ his ass. I wished him good luck on the back.
After the round was over, Steve called to tell me
that Andy’s round of promise was no more. After a par on 10, Andy hit the
double skids. After proclaiming an ‘ass kicking’ to Law, it sounds like
he didn’t make a par the rest of the way. He limped home in 49.
Steve, down by 8 somewhere along the way, ended up
winning by 10.
League
Night Glory Lost
NGAWire®
26May06
Staff
Writer, Karl Nagy
I
have a story from league night.
The
weather forecast for golf yesterday afternoon was horrid. I decided to go to the course (Willow Creek
of course) and wait it out. The rain
slowed down, but the skies still looked ominous. No one was going out. It didn’t look that bad. I finally said hell with it and jumped in a
cart.
I
started on the back nine.
10
– 4i, AW, 20 footer into the cup – Birdie (-1)
11 – 3i, PW, 2 putts from 40 ft (8 footer for par) – Par
(-1)
12 – 9i to fringe, 2 putts from 30 ft (6 footer for par)
– Par (-1)
13 – 3i, SW to 40 ft, 2 putts – Par (-1)
14 – 6i, AW, lipped out 10 footer – Par (-1)
15
– 1w, 2i, 8i chip and run to 12 ft, knocked in r-l putt – Birdie (-2)
16
– PW (from 140y) to 3 feet, cup in – Birdie (-3)
17
– 1w, SW to 4 inches, tap-in with SW – Birdie (-4)
18
– 1w, 7i (from 180y) to fringe pin high, 20 footer into cup – Eagle (-6)
I’d
say an opening 30 is a nice start to any round.
I
teed of a
The
back nine wasn’t as successful.
1
– 1w, 7i (from 190y) over green, chip to 10 ft, missed putt – Par (-6)
2
– 4i, 9i (from 150y) way over the green into a hazard, drop, SW pitch to 50 ft,
3 putts – Triple (-3)
3
– PW to 30 ft, 3 putts – Bogey (-2)
4
– 5i, PW (pulled to left), pitch to 20 ft, 2 putts – Bogey (-1)
5
– 5i, PW, SW to 3 ft, r-l putt into the heart – Birdie (-2)
6
– 1W, LW to back fringe, 3 putts from 25ft – Bogey (-1)
7
– PW to 18ft, 2 putts (horrid first putt) – Par (-1)
8
– 1w, LW into bunker, splash out onto fringe, 2 putts from 20 ft – Bogey (E)
9
– 1w, SW to 15 ft, 2 putts – Par (E)
The
magic was definitely gone after the triple.
I
was back in my car at
Saturday Golf
NGAWire®
13Mar06
Staff
Writer, Danny McKay
On
Saturday Kurt, Matt (Maser), and I played the Legacy. The weather was decent and the course was
really wet, but in overall good shape for March. Because it was Kurt's birthday (as if...), he
had spent the previous night out on the town and reportedly did not get home
until
On
the first hole Kurt fulfilled his usual ritual and hit it right down the
middle. Of course he fulfilled his other
ritual on the first hole and missed a four footer for par. Then after he made double on the second hole,
he spouted something about trying to avoid a blowout. It was classic. Seeing that the next hole was a par 5, I knew
he would be able to right the ship. When
I made an easy birdie, and he walked away with a par, the true golf fires began
to burn. He went on to birdie the next
two holes and then stuck it on the 5 feet on the next, but then missed the
putt.
Anyway
we all turned the front decently. Dan
38, Kurt 39, Matt 41.
On
the 10th hole, a drivable par 4 with a forced carry of 270 yards over water,
Matt flung on out to about 80 yards. I
stepped up and hit a nice tight draw just to the right of the green, pin
high. Now for Kurt! He stepped up thinking that driver might be
too much and proceeded to hit his shot.
It started out going at the left side of the green and as we waited to
see it land just left and long, it splashed down with a watery crash about 25
yards short of the land. Completely
dumbfounded, Kurt marched forward and dropped.
His next shot barely made it over the water. My eagle pitch came up about 6 inches short
and they just avoided the dreaded $6 pay out.
On
the next hole Kurt (although not traditionally) laid up on a par 5. With a short 50 yard shot into the green, he
once again found his power and hit a thin laser about 50 yards long. Although I will give him credit he was the
only one in the group to make a par.
Now
for the classic moment of the day!! On
the 15th hole, a tough 430 yard par 4, Kurt hit his approach shot (8 iron) from
180 deep and onto the back fringe. Since
he was trying to make a comeback in our match, he needed to at least make
par. He hit his putt from the fringe to
about 6 feet. I was standing about 15
feet behind him when he hit his par attempt.
As the ball missed, I reached down to grab the flag stick and out of the
corner of my eye could see a storm front roll in. The unmistakable angry swipe of a putter
flashed and hit the ball… and within a split second I then heard a fleshy
thud. It was the sound of a golf ball
traveling at high velocity hitting tissue and bone. When I looked up I saw the agony on Matt's
face and the ball trickling away from him.
I then looked over to Kurt and saw his jaw sagging lower than I had ever
seen before.
"I'm
really sorry Matt", Kurt mustered with slumped shoulders. Matt then turned about and began walking
toward his bag.
The
awkward silence severely contrasted the laughter that I had inside. It was too bad that we didn't have a video
camera to capture it all. It would have
been a great loop to enjoy over and over again.
The
rest of the day was a bit anticlimactic.
Matt seemed to forgive Kurt and we all chuckled a bit about it. In the end it was a fun day on the links, but
a classic moment that should have been shared by more.
Final stats: Dan 78, Kurt 81, Matt 86.
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