Tuesday with Clifton

NGAWire® 7Oct08

NGA Staff Writer, Ronald Harrison Clifton, Jr.

 

I awoke today after a long night of MNF up ‘til midnight.  I feel fortunate to have weathered the Reggie Bush onslaught by Lawler.  Thanks to FF Churncz for not counting punt return yards.  And a bigger thanks to Reggie Bush for tripping on his own foot for his potential 3rd punt return td it saved my victory.

 

As I am driving to the golf course I am still considering trading Dallas Clark to PJP for MJD, as well as possibly Plax Burress for S. Slaton.

 

This chilly October morning I arrived at Eastern Hills at 9 am 49* in my car.  I arrived and beat the seniors to #1 tee.  Piped my new Callaway Driver, never hit it before today, long and straight into the cool morning air.  Just like in a USGA commercial a single walks up and I ask him to play.  I meet Andreas a member of Lake Doster my previous home course and we are off #1 tee.

 

I learned Lake Doster is in excellent condition this year!

 

I played solid all the way around the front 4 fw, 3 gr, 14 putts nice little 40.  Some nice par saving putts, a few key birdie putts just missed.  I am putting as good as say Matt Maser or Dan McKay.

 

We make the turn and Andreas decides to push on with me any pays for his 2nd 9.  He is an Ohio State grad likely a more frequent golfer than I and also a touch lower handicap. He is easy to play with like Chris Lemmon and Coree Raden.

 

I proceed to play the back 9 much like the front keeping it in play 5 fw, 5 gr, 16 putts.  Again a few key par putts made, a few birdie putts just missed.  I step up to 17 realizing I am +2 on the back!  So 40 on front + 4 and +2 is +6 with 2 holes left.  Predictably I make double on 17 not really a bad double just drive in rough approach short, pitch short, chip long  (tried to hole it) 2 putt.  Nearly made a nice bogey saving putt. I am grinding like crazy!

 

18 is playing downwind I pipe a long high majestic fade to the 270 mark (par 5) smoke a high cutting 3 wood to 40 yds just short.  I haven't played this shot well today all I am thinking is I am putting well get it on the green.  I hit a pw a little heavy leave 30+ feet up hill birdie putt for the elusive 79.  I read it, step up, it is up hill just misses one ball outside left, good effort, tap in par for 80.

 

Having never broken 80 I was much more calm and relaxed took it one shot at a time. I just needed one more putt to fall somewhere played good enough for 79. After the poor play I exhibited at TPC this is a very satisfying day for me. Having switched driver and irons since TPC in traditional Clifton fashion post TPC.

 

Clifton ADDITIONAL NOTE – I was wearing my green Oberon hat and yellow TPC champion bracelet for luck today.

 

 

Obama Declared A Bobo

NGAWire® 26Sep08

 

The NGA has declared Barack Obama a huge bobo.  Also included in the bobo race are Joe Biden and John McCain.  God save the USA.

 

 

 

Nagy Wins 2008 TPC*

NGAWire® 22Sep08

 

Karl Nagy cruised to his second TPC* victory this past weekend.  Nagy’s total of 304 (+16) bested 2nd place contestant Jeff Pretzer by 13 shots.

 

“I played very well the first two rounds” stated Nagy.  “However, the final outcome was as much of a surprise to me as everyone else.”

 

This victory moves Nagy into a tie with Coree Raden atop the TPC Hall of Fame standings.

 

player

2006

2007

2008

Coree Raden

35

35

35

Karl Nagy

21

25

35

Steve Lawler

24

26

28

Kurt Goetzke

13

23

26

Ron Clifton

22

25

25

Louis Song

21

21

21

Andy Kurncz

16

16

17

Jeff Longeway

13

13

13

Matt Maser

11

11

11

Dean Kobane

10

10

10

Doug Granowicz

10

10

10

Bruce Kruckeberg

9

9

9

Todd Statetzny

9

9

9

Eric Fournier

8

8

8

Jeff Pretzer

4

4

8

Dan York

5

5

5

Dan McKay

3

4

4

Jim Elgin

4

4

4

Derek Andre

3

3

3

Mark D'Antonio

3

3

3

Chip VanLooy

2

2

2

Chris Lemmon

1

1

1

 

40 points required for Hall of Fame induction.

 

 

 

TPC Favorite Announced

NGAWire 11Sep08

 

The NGA has announced that Karl Nagy has been named favorite to win the 2008 TPC.  Good luck Karl!

 

 

2008 TPC Course Selection Finally Finalized

NGAWire® 26Aug08

 

The rota of courses for the 2008 TPC has been finalized with the jacks at Garland.  The courses and times are:

 

Thursday  Rd1  12:00pm  Reflections

Friday  Rd2  8:00am  Fountains

Friday  FUN  1:40pm  Monarch**

Saturday  Rd3  12:20pm  Monarch

Sunday  Rd4  9:40am  Swampfire

 

Tee boxes for each round are under review by the KGAM.

 

** The fun round Friday afternoon will be a two A-B player event.  The format will be 3-3-3-3-3-3 where the game played changes every three hole.  Possible games include scramble, best ball, total score, worst ball scramble, alternate shot, modified alternate shot, three-club challenge, two-club challenge, one-club challenge, etc…  This fun round will precede Friday evenings “Taking It To Blackout” activities.

 

The finalized fun round games are under review by the KGAM.

 

Teams for the fun round will be paired via blind draw.  The A and B players groups are:

 

A – The Law, Goat, Jimmy Boy, The Greatest TPC’er Ever, PJP, NGA

B – Great McKay, The Cruiser, Heidi Klumberg, Y2K, Lennie, PJP Junior

 

It was a very tough decision for the NGA and KGAM to determine the bottom crap of the A player group.  PJP, NGA and Great McKay are all considered awful A players, but Great’s lack of resent play pushed him into B player status.

 

 

Day In His Life

NGAWire® 21Aug08

 

This morning Andy tended to his ailing wife, showing his enormous tenderness and compassion.  He is scheduled to make sales calls in the NE suburbs of Detroit and has planned to have lunch at Recipes Restaurant in Troy.  This afternoon he will be working remotely before heading to Huron Meadows GC in Brighton for his last golf league night of the year.  After golf he will join his brother for a beer at Champ’s Pub before heading home to see his beloved family.

 

 

2008 TPC Round 2 Pairings… Revised

NGAWire® 12Aug08

 

After review of the blind drawing results for the 1st round of the 2008 TPC (conducted last Friday), last year’s champion Kurt Goetzke has issued the following:

 

In lieu of the outcome of the BLIND DRAW, I have petitioned the NGA to CHANGE my 2007 CHAMPION 2nd DAY PAIRING SELECTIONS…I was told in response by the NGA that since I won last year, I can do whatever the hell I want, and also, that I am a JACK for not waiting for the BLIND DRAW pairings to come out…But, since the NGA was dragging their feet and the field was demanding some information, I decided to calm down the natives before the BLIND DRAW picks came out…SO, here are the AMENDED 2nd day pairings as selected by the 2007 TPC CHAMPION…ENJOY!!!

 

GROUP 1 – Kurt Goetzke, Coree Raden, Andy Kurncz, Steve Lawler

GROUP 2 – Jim Hartigan, Bruce Kruckeberg, Jeff Pretzer, Karl Nagy

GROUP 3 – Ron Clifton, Dan McKay, Jeff Longeway, Brent Pretzer

 

 

iPhone Is My Phone

NGAWire® 8Aug08

 

Yesterday I picked up my new 3G iPhone from the local AT&T store.  Farewell my Treo 700p, farewell.

 

 

 

Day In His Life

NGAWire® 7Aug08

 

Today Andy Kurncz went to work.  He enjoyed lunch and had a very busy day.  He is planning to attend his golf league this evening and is looking forward to seeing his wife and children when he arrives home.

 

 

2008 TPC Round 2 Pairings Released

NGAWire® 7Aug08

 

2007 TPC Champion, Kurt Goetzke, is proud to announce the following group pairings for round 2 of TPC 2008 at Garland Resort:

 

GROUP 1 – KURT GOETZKE, STEVE LAWLER, BRUCE KRUCKEBERG, JEFF LONGEWAY

GROUP 2 – KARL NAGY, COREE RADEN, DAN MCKAY, PLAYER #12

GROUP 3 – JEFF PRETZER, JIM HARTIGAN, BRENT PRETZER, RON CLIFTON

 

How did Goetzke come up with his pairings you ask?

 

Let him break it down for you.

 

1) If given the chance, I will always set up a pairing with JEFF and BRUCE.  JEFF and I go way back and I like to play with him whenever I can…I don’t see BRUCE more than a couple three times a year, unfortunately, and again, if given the chance, I will always try to play with him at least once at TPC.  STEVE was the 4th for his solid play and saving my year by fixing a major (one of the many) flaw in my swing (weight alignment) and getting my distance back!!! 

 

2) In group 2, I decided that PLAYER #12 needed cigar love with his buddy NAGY and I know PLAYER #12 enjoys playing with DAN.  COREE was a perfect fit for this grouping because it needed a little sexing up (come on, look at the other three in the group) and I could not put him with RON, because RON would have trouble controlling himself around COREE.

 

3) I put the PRETZER bros together, because, well, they are brothers and I put HARTIGAN with them, because JIMMY MY BOY had been saying how much he wanted play with PJP and make him coffee or something.  As for RON, can play with anyone, so he was a natural fit to this group.

 

NGA NOTE – The deadline for PLAYER #12 entry into the 2008 TPC is tomorrow, 8/8/08, by 5:00pm.

 

 

I’m Sorry Apple… I Was Wrong

NGAWire® 24Jul08

 

Yesterday the NGA placed a pre-order for the 3G iPhone.  The AT&T clerk stated I should receive the phone in 10 – 20 days, but noted in actuality they have been coming in much sooner.

 

 

 

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

NGAWire® 23Jul08

 

The 2008 TPC is just less than two months away, yet entrants for this prestigious event are stagnated at seven.  Players currently entered are:

 

1. Dan McKay 10/25/07 $160 ***Gift Winner***

2. Coree Raden 10/26/07 $160 ***Gift Winner***

3. Karl Nagy 10/31/07 $160 ***Gift Winner***

4. Ron Clifton 1/9/08 $160 ***Gift Winner***

5. Kurt Goetzke 1/11/08 $160 ***Gift Winner***

6. Jeff Longeway 1/14/08 $160 ***Gift Winner***

7. Bruce Kruckeberg 4/3/08 $160

 

Based on NGA insider information, the field for the 2008 TPC could include:

 

8. Steve Lawler - $$$ pending, 92% in

9. Jeff Pretzer - $$$ pending, 77% in

10. Brent Pretzer - $$$ pending, 77% in

11. Andy Kurncz - $$$ pending, 53% in

 

Other former TPC participants most likely out are:

 

Tim O'Connor - Hates golf, hates anything about golf.  He now fishes every weekend.

Mark Chapman - Lacking will power to golf, not good anyhow.

Jim Hartigan - Family matters may be too much to overcome.

Matt Maser - Brazil bound, busy packing home and family.  Ter uma boa viagem!

Mark D'Antiono - No longer receives googlegroup messages due to frenzied wife, didn't receive TPC invite.

Jesse Nagy - Chose to visit SC in August versus visiting MI in September.

Eric Fournier - Didn't receive invite, can't play golf anymore.  If he could, he would.

 

The formal deadline for entries is set as 5:00pm on 8/8/08.

 

 

Screw You Apple

NGAWire® 18Jul08

 

Last Monday (7/14/08) I had planned to purchase the new Apple 3G iPhone.  During lunch, I went to the local Greenville AT&T store, but I was told they were out of stock.  They said I could place a pre-order for the phone and it would be available in 7 to 10 days.  I told them “No thanks!” and I’d come back when they had stock of the phone.

 

On Wednesday (7/16/08) I called all four of the greater Greenville area AT&T stores to check on stock status.  None of them has the phone in stock, but pre-ordering was still offered.

 

Today I called the Apple store in Charlotte.  They would not tell me their stock situation of iPhone’s, but directed me to check the Apple web page after 9:00pm to find out about Saturday availability.  I did as told, but unfortunately both the Charlotte and Atlanta stores did not have the 16G (Black) phone.

 

What the hell Apple?  You come out with a new iPhone and don’t have enough inventories for everyone wanting one?  You market the hell out of your product and then leave the people hanging?  Ridiculous!!

 

Maybe I will rethink my move from Verizon to AT&T.

 

 

 

Best Ever

NGAWire® 17Jun08

 

Yesterday Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open in a playoff over Rocco Mediate.

 

Tiger Woods is the greatest, Tiger Woods is the best.  I love Tiger Woods.

 

 

 

Baby Great McKay Has Arrived

NGAWire® 8Jun08

 

The NGA family grew by one this past Thursday (6/5/08) with the arrival of Dylan James McKay.  Dylan arrived at 7:03pm.  He weighed 4 lbs and measured 17.25 inches in length.

 

Dylan arrived a few months earlier than scheduled, but is doing fine.  Mom Kim and Dad Dan are excited about his arrival, as are pseudo siblings Bogey, Bailey and Blue. 

 

Congrats McKay family!

 

 

Hip Hip Hooray! 3G iPhone On The Way!

NGAWire® 20May08

 

Apple's next-generation iPhone is likely to arrive on 6/9/08 when Steve Jobs addresses the Worldwide Developers Conference in San Francisco.

 

The 3G iPhone will be apparently available immediately after the keynote in the US, with an international roll-out within weeks, according to 'someone very, very close to the 3G iPhone launch.'

 

NGA’s Karl Nagy states “Yes sir!  I have been waiting for this day my entire life.  I can’t believe it is finally here!”

 

 

 

Brainiac Wins Powerball

NGAWire® 20May08

 

Saturday’s Powerball jackpot winner is Jonathan Vargas, a 19-year-old construction worker from Gaston, South Carolina.

 

Vargas matched all six numbers to win the $35 million jackpot. He decided to take the lump-sum of $17.5 million.

 

The first thing he'll do now that he's a jackpot winner?  "I don't know, probably play some video games," Vargas said in a Monday news conference.

 

He's a construction worker, and says this was the first time he'd ever played Powerball.

 

"I was feeling lucky, plus I had to get for gas," he says.

 

Vargas says he plans to buy his mother, Patricia Richardson, a home, and then he wants to invest. He says his aunt is an accountant, so she's helping him out.

 

"A lot of people go retarded with that kind of money," Vargas said, "But God has a plan for me. I have faith."

 

Good luck not going retarded Jonathan!

 

 

Pretzer In Tight Pistons Jersey Too Sexy

NGAWire® 30Apr08

NGA Investigative Reporters

 

NGA investigative reporters received the following disturbing image from last night’s Pistons/Sixers playoff tilt.  In this grainy photo released by unnamed sources, NGA member and former TPC ROY Jeff “PJP” Pretzer was spotted sporting a very tight and, from all accounts, MUCHO SEXY Tayshaun Prince (#22) jersey (sleeveless, of course).  Comments heard from the crowd included “Nice Guns”, “Hubba Hubba”, “OUUUGAH” and “Beefcake”, amongst others.

 

The NGA is still awaiting comment from Pretzer.  Only then can his man card privileges be adequately reviewed.

 

 

 

Welcome Baby Nagy!

NGAWire® 27Apr08

 

We are happy to announce the arrival of Owen Thomas Nagy to the NGA family.  Owen was born on April 24 at 5:55pm.  His weight was 8 lbs, 4 oz and he was 22 inches long.

 

Mom Courtney and baby Owen are doing great, brother Evan is happy to have a playmate and Dad Karl is hunky-dory.

 

Owen is expected to make his NGA debut at the 2023 TPC.

 

NOTE – Please see www.babynagy.com for more information.

 

 

Battle Of Glenhurst

NGAWire® 13Apr08

 

The titanic battle anticipated at yesterday's Glenhurst Scramble between Team Lawler/McKay/Longeway and Team Goetzke/Pretzer/Kurncz never materialized.

 

As happens at times, the hype of the mêlée is outdone by the actual match itself.  Do you recall the Chicago Bears trouncing of the Washington Redskins 73-0 in 1940 NFL championship, the University of Michigan beat down of USC 49-0 in the 1948 Rose Bowl or the Team Shania ass thumping of Team Celine 10-1 in the 2003b Guldahl Cup Matches?

 

Team Lawler finished in an impressive tie for 2nd place with a score of 61 (-9).  The Lawler trio split around $1000.  Team Goetzke finished way back with a dismal round of 66 (-4).  The day cost Team Goetzke members around $200 each.

 

 

 

A Day In The Life Of The Chapman Brothers

NGAWire® 7Apr08

 

Today Andy and his brother Mark headed to Moose Ridge Golf Course for their Michigan season opening round of golf.

 

1. What signals spring golf in Michigan better than a bag of wild rum flavor Backwoods cigars?

2. The Moose Ridge warning sign clearly instructs Andy and Mark of their tee box selection.  Will they listen?

3. Andy lights his cigar with his oversized Zippo lighter.

4. Andy makes a sweet swing.  Looks like another fairway split right down the middle.

5. Oh no!  Looks like a pulled shot from the left rough.  This can only be trouble!

6. Two balls close on the 9th green.  One is Mark’s tee shot, the other Andy’s provisional (Mark 3, Andy 4).

7. Mark struts after sticking a shot on the 11th hole.  No need of cockiness this earlier in the year Mark.

8. Mark looks solid on tee.  Can you believe this syrupy looking swing produced a dub?  Maybe he was still cocky?

9. A trip back to the simpler days of golf.  Mark works on his reverse ‘C’ finish.  Pure sweetness!

10. Andy offers a light to the stuffed clubhouse bear.

11. Mark enjoys a laugh.  Maybe they should have heeded the warning?

 

Final scores were Andy 86, Mark 103.  Great season opener boys!!

 

 

 

A Day In The Life Of Capo McKay

NGAWire® 7Apr08

HGA.5 Staff Writer, Dan McKay

 

With the temp in the low 60’s, Sunday marked a nice springtime Michigan golf season opener. The day in a nut shell:

 

1. Where are the keys, I’m going GOLFING!

2. Bag ready and waiting.

3. Loading it all up.

4. Happy driving!

5. Scotty loves to see putting greens. Can’t you see the smile!

6. Lawler giddy with golf love!

7. Huge lead!

8. What great form!

9. This guy, or Bigfoot, walked just like Kurt perhaps he was spying on team Lawler.

10. My lead evaporated on the back. No worries. Team Lawler was pleased with all of their Sunday play.

11. Ahhh… golf in the springtime. Happy happy joy joy!

 

 

 

Two Teams Prepare, One In Despair

NGAWire® 6Apr08

 

April 6 will be forever marked as the first official golf weekend for the 2008 season, only one week before the fabled Glenhurst Memorial.  Golfers were out in droves and tee time sheets were booked.  A few die hard souls from the NGA world paired up to kick off the ‘08 season. 

 

Kurt “The Goat” Goetzke (Team Goetzke/Pretzer/Kurncz Captain and unofficial “A” player) and Jeff “Lenny” Longeway (Team Lawler/McKay/Longeway “C” player) kicked off the morning round at Glenhurst GC.  Longeway fired a blistering 79, taming the beast of Redford and shocking both team captains.  Goetzke, on the other hand shocked only himself.  He turned in a quote of “terrible” describing his round of 79.  “If I played like this at Greystone, it would have been in the 90’s for sure and the bad thing is that I putted terrible” said Goetzke.

 

While on the other side of town, the remaining team members of Team LML, Steve “The Law” Lawler and Dan “Capo” McKay teed it up for an afternoon round at the famed Plumbrook GC.  The rounds did not come as a shock to Capt Lawler, who fired a lackluster round of 75, and McKay, scoring an unfulfilled 78.  “If we would have played like this at Greystone today we would have shot…oh yea we didn’t” said Lawler.  “I had one goal today and that was just to play a round of golf.”  Both players were rusty as expected and no putt was made over twelve feet on the bumpy greens.

 

After posting three scores in the 70’s, Team LML is shaping up and ready for its challenge next Saturday at the Memorial.  As for Team GPK, it is all in the hands of Andy “The Hedgehog” Kurncz.  He is the only man that can right the ship.

 

NGA REMINDER – Early this spring, Goetzke was booted from Team Greystone.

 

 

Nagy-Kurncz Strike Standing Bet for 2008

NGAWire® 31Mar08

 

In order to try and spice up their sorry golf games, sorry assed NGA members Karl Nagy and Andy Kurncz have agreed to a standing bet for the 2008 golf season.

 

This bet begins April 1 and runs to the end of the year.  The bet structure will be re-evaluated once a player reaches the +$50 mark.

 

Payout     Nagy        Kurncz

+$10        <76          <80

+$5          76-79       80-83

$0            80-86       83-90

-$5           >86          >90

 

The NGA wishes good luck to both players, but we are whole heartedly rooting for Nagy.

 

 

 

What Did I Do?

NGAWire® 26Mar08

 

Detroit's Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick and his former chief of staff Christine Beatty have been charged with lying under oath about having an affair and about their role in firing a police officer.

 

"Seventy years. What did I do? They're trying to lock me up forever. For text messages?" Kilpatrick told the standing-room-only crowd at the Shrine of the Black Madonna on Detroit’s west side.

 

In some of those more than 14,000 messages, Kilpatrick and Beatty - both married at the time - exchanged sexual banter, declared their love and arranged trysts in motels in Metro Detroit and on out-of-town business trips.

 

"I have the opportunity right now to go prison, not jail, for text messages. There's been no evidence. No facts presented. Get out of office and go to prison." stated the Mayor.

 

We all hope that Kwame’s good name will be cleared and the city of Detroit continues its resurrection.

 

 

 

Albion College Golf – A Brotherhood For All Time

NGAWire® 20Mar08

 

In a ludicrous finding, NGA members Kurt Goetzke and Jim Hartigan just recently discovered they played on the same Albion College golf team in 1988.  Goetzke, a young, upstart, hot shot freshman, and Hartigan, a time tested, wise, upper class senior, were both members of the MIAA Albion Britons collegiate golf team, but did not know each other.  Flabbergasted to obtain this information, the NGA declares this to be the stupidest NGAWire® ever!

 

Q1 – How many years did you play?

JH: 1, my senior year.

KG: Less than 1.

 

Q2 – Where you scholarship or walk-on?

JH: Walk on.

KG: Walk on, no scholarships in Division 3.

 

Q3 – Were you any good?

JH: No.

KG: Better than now.

 

Q4 – Did you play in any tournaments?

JH: As an alternate.  My scores didn't count.  I was the extra guy in case someone got struck by lighting.

KG: No, I quit before the first tournament because the coach didn’t play me even though I was better than most on the team.

 

Q5 – What was your best score?

JH: I don't remember if I broke 90.

KG: No idea.

 

Q6 – What was your best memory?

JH: Playing Kalamazoo CC in the pouring rain for 17 of the 18 holes.  I do remember shooting 99.

KG: Meeting Jim and not remembering it.

 

Q7 – Who was the best player on your team?

JH: Coons, I think.  Don't remember his first name.

KG: Shamus Fitzpatrick, in his mind, that is.

 

Q8 – What team was the best in your conference?

JH: Hope, I believe.

KG: Hope College.

 

Q9 – Did you take Kurt (Jim take you) under your (his) wing like a big brother?

JH: I don't remember Kurt.

KG: No, too busy smoking pot.

 

Q10 – What did you think of Kurt (Jim) then?

JH: No recollection.

KG: Who?

 

Q11 – What do you think of Kurt (Jim) now?

JH: Whadda you mean?  I love that man.

KG: A fine coffee maker.

 

Q12 – Was Kurt (Jim) a dick?

JH: There were no dicks on my golf team.  We were brothers, in a loose sense.

KG: He thought his shit didn’t stink.

 

Q13 – What did you think of his mullet (pot smoking)?

JH: I didn't notice it. 

KG: We were all advocates of it in those days.

 

Q14 – Why didn’t you remember Kurt (Jim) was on your team?

JH: I only played three times.  He was never in my group.  I don't remember being on the bus with him.  He said he didn't play at Kalamazoo.  Duck Lake was our home course.

KG: Doing too many drugs.

 

Q15 – Did being on the golf team help to